High Speed Train
Christmas and New Year´s have passed me by.
It´s as if a high speed train would pass in front of me and I would stand there watching it from a distance only to feel a deafening silence and emptiness once the train had disappeared out of sight.
Here I stand, enveloped by the silence of the vast openess that surrounds me and all I am aware of is the ache of disappointment and resignation that resides in my heart.
An overwhelming desire to escape consumes me as my logic can no longer battle against the pain in my heart. It finds no sense to continue and no reason to fight. Year in and year out all my efforts have been futile and my results wanting. How long can the heart withstand? How long can the soul fight failure?
The Bible talks about a hope deferred making the heart sick. My heart is sick. I have not abanonded ship, but the storm is in process. I am waiting for God. I need to learn how to live with this disappointment and not let it steal my hope...although right now .....it feels like it has! Each day gives me the chance to, little by little, grasp on to God inspite of my present state of mind and soul.
I would have like to have been more my jolly self and inspire you over Christmas with light and life, but I am being true to my present state. I am trusting by faith that maybe in a few tomorrows´s my inner self with live up to God´s reality in my life.
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11 comments:
Hi Ally, I understand. I too am experiencing the same sort of state of mind. I agree with this statement you made: "I need to learn how to live with this disappointment and not let it steal my hope...although right now .....it feels like it has! " I find that my hope is zapped from me and is replaced with tired disappointment daily, at least lately that is! Thanks for your honesty and authenticity!!! Reading it made me feel normal if that makes sense? What we are experiencing is normal-there's a time for everything and THIS is our time I guess! :0> Love you!!
I want to share with you that I struggled off and on the last few months with this same weary feeling. The situation is still in process (family) and the only thing that has changed is my perspective...which as you can relate, is ALL the difference in the world...and as I got a grip, things do seem to be on the uptake, but I know there are still challenges ahead, but, I KNOW we can do it!
Did you know that the places in the scriptures that talk about getting weary or faint - it means to be loose? AND conversely when the same scriptures talk about waiting on the Lord it means to bind...so literally, as we wait on Him, we must picture ourselves bound to him, and then take action to do that, by pressing into His presence, His WORD - so that our Spirit can feed on the extra nourishment it needs...it's like we have a virus and we need an IV antibiotic of The Word to get us strong enough to live strong again!
There are 2 more posts that go sequentially to what you read...if you want check them out, #2 is Three Legged Race, #3 is Broken Dishes, Peer Pressure & Christmas Cheer.
No, One thing I know Ally, is none of us have it all together, rather. God designed a way for us to comfort each other; like my friend at Do Your Weary said today:
"And another blogger posted that verse about how our God is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort and that we comfort others with the comfort that we ourselves have received from God."
You should check her out, she has become a dear friend to me during my time fo struggle!
I am praying for you! God bless and comfort you!
hugs,
Maria
You are not alone!
I am counting on this new year being an awesome time with God.
There has been so much silence.
This year has been like no other.
I once heard someone say that the teacher is silent while the student is taking the test.
He has been silent for awhile and I got the grade back....Redo!
But He is not finished with us yet. Life can be so cruel at times--so confusing--but He sees the big picture. He is not limited to time the way we are. He sees the end results. And when He says--ENOUGH!--things will change.
Until then I try to hold to what I know even if I do not feel it.
HE LOVES US!
His plans for us are for good and not for evil.
That goes for everyone.
I am here.
Situations may be over our heads but they are under His feet.
Speak it out loud it will help.
Love ya girl!!
I'm sorry that you are feeling blue Ally ! I will pray for you ...
Ally! Still praying for you! I wanted to tell you, (I have dial-up) so my PC takes a while to load somethings...I just saw your tree before I went to bed last night, & it is SOOO pretty! I love the ribbons and all!
Just had to tell ya'!
Comfort, peace and laughter I pray your way today!
Maria
Keeping you in prayer for whatever is holding you down.
I'll pray for you.
Hi Ally,
I've been out of contact for the holiday season and have only signed back on today.
I was so sad to read that you are struggling with disappointment and upset. But I truly appreciate that you feel able to share this with us so that we can stand with you, both in prayer and a set of listening ears. I know only too well from 2006 that sometimes being able to blog my desperation was what kept me sane (in a strange way).
I will certainly pray for you. If you ever want to unload, please know that I am here for you. You've got my email addy. Anything I can do......
Hugs
BG
My heart goes out to you and aches for you. I once was in a desperate place for a long long long time and towards the end of it I was silent for 3 years. I also lost my song. I did not pray or talk to God. It was as if I was standing on 'n rock in a storm and the only thought or "prayer" I prayed for 3 years was "God don't let go of me" Today I am fine. God did not let go of me and He will not let go of you.
Hey girl
I have a little something sweet for you.
Wondering how my sister is doing????
Are you in there?
Missing you
Ally,
I am not sure of all the details, and I don't need to be, but I can see, hear, and tell that a Sister-In-Christ is in need of many prayers.
Consider yourself prayed for, loved on, and lifted high!
Never forget that you are God's special child...you are the Daughter of The King and He has big plans for your life. So, no matter what storms you are in right now realize that they are just a small part of the "refining" fire (believe me sister, I am right there with you) and when you walk out on the other side you will be bright and shiny for Him!
Keep strong!
Melissa
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