My battle

This Friday my sister and I did our Red Cross visits in a town close by here. It was really nice to see them after the summer break, and they are always sooooooooooo happy to chat and catch up!

There is a couple that we used to visit that now have moved into a Nursing Home and no longer use the pendant/telephone services that the Red Cross provides, but we decided to look them up in their new home anyway.

What I didn't count on when visiting them was that I would be flooded with the negative memories of my time working in the nursing home. Click here for my post when I worked in the nursing home. It took all I had to ignore those feelings while we visited them . Because they were so happy to see us, I was able to survive our visit pretty well.

Needless to say, when we left, I felt overcome by feelings of sadness and failure. I was glad my sister was with me. I didn't feel like crying... when it hurts so bad sometimes it goes beyond the crying feeling if you know what I mean. It was a hit below the belt!

Since then I have been fighting against these feelings and gone over what I could have done, what I should have done...you know those mind games you play somehow hoping by doing so you can change history.

I am sick at how quick I am to believe the worst about myself. It is easy to just somehow get lost in the overwhelming feeling of it all. What makes it worse is we are in financial straights at present and the need for me to get employment adds pressure to this whole panorama.

I would appreciate your prayers and that God would do a work in me and provide the job I need to be able to keep our heads above water!!!! Thanks!