He leads me beside the quiet waters

He leads me beside the quiet waters, He restores my soul

Ps 23: 2b,3a

In spite of struggles, pain, questions and failure, God continues to be GOOD and to be GOD!

In the midst of my failures, my sin, & the failures of others, I can only come back to the truth that God is good all the time.

Life sucks... it sometimes stinks and stings, but I can see God´s hand because these very things have forced me to focus on Him. To reach out for Him as focusing on anything else leads to despair and desperation.

I have reached places in my soul, in my life and experience which I have so feared to reach yet here I am. I can do nothing but just drop everything and reach out to HIM.

In this place of death to self I become free. I am bound to only be concerned with what God thinks, His expectations and for His will to be done in me and those I love.

If only I had reached my end before now. I would surely have discovered this sweet place sooner! "He leads me beside the quiet waters....He restores my soul..."Yes, indeed, the road that lead me here was painful, but I have re-discovered a priceless treasure , I have re-discovered God.

I have embraced afresh my first love, that I had lost somewhere in trying to reach my plans and dreams. In this place of surrender I have seen God plant seeds of hope. How can this be? It makes no sense and has no logic. How can pain lead me here?

Because I have found delight in God alone. How simple...how sweet. To once again hand over the keys of my heart and give up controlling my world. I am
singing with the hymnist:

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to thee my blessed saviour
I surrender all.

Check out video above.

Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth

It´s no secret to to the child of God that the "truth shall set you free" rather the secret lies in believing that truth when everything around you SCREAMS the opposite.

This song I am sure is known to most, if not all of you, and God gave me the grace to be able to translate it into Spanish and we have be able to share it on many occasions.

This past Sunday we were invited to lead worship for two services.

As you know, this is not my best moment or finest hour! To lead out when one is totally weak and hanging on by a thread is both a challenge and a blessing. A blessing you say? Yes, precisely because you have no energy left in you to worry if it will work out, or if you can do a good job! I had just gotten my voice back after the flu, so confidence in my capacity was zilge. I had no fight left in me. Whatever happened was going to be God. It was up to God.

Anyway, my DH wanted to sing this song and I knew I was going to be singing it to myself. Yes in capital letters and in red ink. I needed so badly to hear this song, more than anyone sitting there.

As I presented the song, I shared my own struggles and my desperate need to chose to believe the voice of truth rather than the screaming lies that were raging through my head. I felt naked before each one of them as I weakly pointed the way to a God who desperatly wants me and them to believe that what we are living right now is not a definition of who we are or His truth about us.

I felt nothing magical, no trumpets resounding or angels singing. I just obeyed. I just chose to sing the truth that I was not feeling. I am just hanging on ... The rubber meets the road right here and inspite of myself, God is with me. I have to stand firm in what I know to be true. This is a battle and I have to use my armour , my belt of truth to STAND FIRM. Obedience is a strong weapon in this fight.

Eph 6:13

Therefore, put on the whole armor of God,

that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and,

having done all, to stand.

Knowing who you are and knowing your place

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.

~Henri Frederic Amiel

One group of happy cats!!!!

From left to right: Laila (tortoise shell )- Grandma

Lucy(all black)- Mama

Tigger (brown, black and beige stripy one) - baby
Number One (black & White) - baby

Having various generations of cats at one time, 3 to be exact, it´s interesting to observe the interaction between them. This has been especially so, during important intervals such as pregnancy, delivery and feeding of new babes within our cat clan.

When Lucy (daughter of Laila)went into labour I was surprised to observe how Laila jumped into the box with Lucy somehow trying to offer comfort and support. I would have expected Lucy to just want to be left in peace, but it was quite to the contrary! She desperately wanted company and affection and looked for it from me and Johnny, as well as from her own mother Laila. It is nice to see that even in the cat kingdom, mum´s are needed in these pillar moments of life!

Seeing the kittens being born was very beautiful. I had never experienced any pet having little ones, so it was a first for me. It is amazing how instinct takes over and Lucy knew exactly what to do! Once she started delivering the kittens, all I had to do was observe.... and enjoy!!

However, once kittens had arrived, Laila was no longer around. She had no interest in seeing what was going on and when one time she did approach the box, Lucy snarled as only cats know how, and let Laila know firmly she had no place in this new situation. I was impressed by the fact that Laila didn´t insist on being "boss"or resuming her mum knows best stand, she knew when to step back and resume a new role. So much so, that she almost became invisible.

Now almost 10 weeks down the road Laila has resumed yet another new role. She is now more involved and they even end up all sleeping together on the same bed. It is true that there seems to be a certain natural hierarchy established and no-one interferes with the each others roles.

The kittens have a strong respect for grandma Laila, and don´t have this playful, jump all over you thing going on like they do with their mum Lucy.

I noticed one day how little Number one (she was the first born..hence the very creative name!!!)saw Laila laying on the couch and gingerly jumped up looking for a cuddle and company to sleep as mum was busy elsewhere. Laila looked up and obviously noticed little number one, but wanted to appear detached. She then looked at the new arrival as if to say, "You can come, but I don´t want to be disturbed....you understand? You are here to sleep and no messin!" She held up her paw as if you affirm the sentiments. You could almost feel Number one lying there in fear, hoping she did not push grandma´s wrong buttons!!!!!!

It was a candid moment that´s for sure... kinda of reminded me of my childhood a little when back in those days, children were meant to be seen and not heard. Especially amongst the grandparents and non relatives. A true Victorian Age doctrine that sadly lingered around while I was growing up.

It seems that in the animal Kingdom the roles are pretty well established and very matter of fact. This is definitely not so clear for us humans. In fact our identity and role in life is a very complex issue and sadly many of us can take years to establish who we are and what we are here for. Others may never truly discover who they are and become lost in the intent.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

On our road to discovering who we are, there are so many factors involved.: Family, culture, society, friends, our opinion of God and the world, experience: the list is endless. It would take a real scholar here to present the whole picture, and I know I´m not that!

Naturally, one must consider who one isn´t in this ratio, to help define who one is. The process is anything but easy and is not without pain.

Personally, I believe a key to self discovery lies in who God is. If I believe God to be loving and good in who He is and in all He does, as the bible says, then I have true grounds to be at peace and accept that His being God gives me value. This is because He has chose to give me the value of the life of His own son. Having value, gives me purpose and a secure basis on which to discover the intricacies of myself, my personality. I exist because God existed first. He loved me first and has made me with design. I am not an accident or mistake.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

I discover the colours and patterns of my personality as I grow and experience life. I realize what I enjoy, what I am good at and where that can take me. Yes, for the mere fact that God is God I find peace in who I am and I let God´s opinion of me define me.

Sadly, I often succumb to wanting to be what others expect/want me to be. This is what Proverbs talks about in the verse, "The fear of man, brings a snare." That being, when I am so interested in pleasing others and walk in fear of what others might think about me, I am definitely in a snare. A trap. A prison.

I dont´believe that there is anything worse that this kind of emotional turmoil or anguish. Only when I attempt to please God, am I truly free. Really free to be myself with all that I am, both good and bad. God made me and you and said that it was GOOD! That reminds me of the little kid saying, that I am good because God´don't make no junk! REMEMBER:

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. ~John Mason

Enjoy being who YOU are today!

GOD SURPRIZES ME WITH HIS TRUTH

It always seem to catch me by surprize....God cares about me? Well yes, like any other Christian in my head that is a truth that has been clear to me for years...I have even told others that He cares for them....what could be more natural????

But somehow, deep down, it´s always easier to believe that God cares and loves others more than he does me..... And even if you know this is a lie...it seems easier to live with the lie than the truth. What a heracy, but if I am honest .....that´s what I really felt.

Well, God had bigger & better ideas...(am I glad that God is bigger & better than me!!!!) and decided that today would be a good day for me to deal with this lie and pull it out by the roots! I guess I will still need to work myself out of the habit of devaluing myself...but I do desperatly want to walk in truth!

During one of our prayer times in my group of friends, God nailed me to the floor with the question, why do you feel you are not valueable? Where did that lie come in? I experienced in a depth that I didn´t know existed, in the very "guts" of my being, that God touched this insecurity in me and said...it is done.....this isn´t going to hinder you anymore.

What can I say? It was one of those moments when time and space stop still and you are alone with God and He speaks and you listen. He speaks and you realize you can´t make it better on your own...that you´ve been trying and struggling; not willing to give in; that no one else is going to do it for you; or that you don't deserve to be valued.......................

And then with a "peace that passes ALL understanding" you surrender and God meets you. You are caught by surprize: Jesus loves me? ....yes, JESUS loves even me!!! (anyone out there remember that hymn?)

It ´s one of those kind of experiences that cannot be explained very well with words, they fall so desperately short. But in me, where I didn´t believe, I KNOW that God has done a metamorphasis. Time will show me, just how deep and final the experience of today has been. I only wish I could somehow transmit this whole experience to you....

I guess this feeling I have could be compared to the story in Luke 13:10 about the crippled woman...

She was bent over and could not straighten up and he (Jesus) called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." ...........and she straightened up and praised God.

I was "bent over "with a lie and could not straighten up , but Jesus has told me that I am set free... I straightened up and praised God!!! When JESUS speaks.....things change....always for the better!

Sometimes we walk around with these things for many years...but as the saying goes...there is a time for everything, and God in his tenderness doesn't overwhelm us and "fix"us all at once.... (if he did, we would probably decombust!!!)

It´s in these moments when I realize I have to WANT to change and WANT to no longer live with my infirmity... to be willing to step out of my comfort zone, into the unknown ...where Jesus is.........

Ally
who has just seen another part of the puzzle of my life put in the proper place. And it feels GRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!