Canela

Canela is over 14 years old....now that´s like 98 in Dog years. She is an old lady, but she is still spritley and energetic when she hears the words "walkies!", eager and expectant in case some crumbs fall by the way during meal times and grateful for any attention that comes her way! We have been taking care of her for a few days,while my sister is on holiday.

Canela means cinnamon in Spanish, which suits her colouring to a tee! She is though, as her age dictates, somewhat grumpy and fiesty when it comes to allowing people to touch her....but I guess that due to the aches and pains her little body must experience at her age.

Canela is a true reflection of the words "sticks closer than a brother" and follows me without tiring, around the house. Where ever I go...she goes.... just like Ruth said to her mother in law! Wherever I am ...there she is at my side... even a trip to the bathroom can not be missed by her watchful eye and listening ear. There she follows me with her pitter patter of four paws making there clickety clackety on our fake wood floor up and down.

Even if I am in my tidying up mode up and down, and in and out of rooms, taking clothing here...dirty washing there.... it´s never too much for Canela to follow. There she is like a shadow at my side. Faithful, watching, loyal...close.

It make me think how our Heavenly Father also is always with us. There is no place where his presence does not follow. Nowhere where His love and grace do not reach us. If only I could remember this in those moments when God feels far away, distant and quiet.

Dear God, continue to renew the revelation of Your constance in our lives and may we always take advantage of our instant connection into Your presence and into Your arms.

Emanuel..... God is with us!

The eye of the hurricane

As I have been commenting in the last posts, God has, in his love, bought me to a place of peace in the midst of inner and outer battles.

Like I said, arriving here was anything but a bed of roses, and in this place of surrender there is no contention, no anxiety....but rather a sweet, sweet presence of God.

As I have been contemplating these things, I was reminded about the structure of hurricanes.

Hurricane winds blow in a counterclockwise spiral around the calm, roughly circular center called the eye. In the eye, which is roughly 20 to 30 miles wide, it is relatively calm and there is little or no rain. The eye is the warmest part of the storm.

Surrounding the eye is the eyewall, a wall of thunderclouds. The eyewall has the most rain and the strongest winds of the storm gusting up to 225 mph (360 km/h) in severe storms.

Right now it´s as if God has led me to the eye of a hurricane. It´s calm. Even though all around me the storm continues I am in a calm because I am in God´s eye.

In Deuteronomy 32:10 it says "He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye. "

Figuratively the term apple of his eye is something, or more usually someone, cherished above others.

It seems that God has a knack of leading his cherished ones into the desert so that He can show his love for us, prune us and speak tenderly to us.

Hosea 2:14
Darby Bible Translation

Therefore behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak to her heart.

English Revised Version

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)

"That is why I'm going to win her back. I will lead her into the desert. I will speak tenderly to her.

In this hurricane, in this storm or wilderness if you will... I am in a place of peace, because God is speaking tenderly, comfortably to my heart. It isn´t a place you stumble across or discover on a map and make it your summer vacation destination. No, it is a place that God leads you to in His timing,and in His love, because you are the apple of his eye.

He leads me beside the quiet waters

He leads me beside the quiet waters, He restores my soul

Ps 23: 2b,3a

In spite of struggles, pain, questions and failure, God continues to be GOOD and to be GOD!

In the midst of my failures, my sin, & the failures of others, I can only come back to the truth that God is good all the time.

Life sucks... it sometimes stinks and stings, but I can see God´s hand because these very things have forced me to focus on Him. To reach out for Him as focusing on anything else leads to despair and desperation.

I have reached places in my soul, in my life and experience which I have so feared to reach yet here I am. I can do nothing but just drop everything and reach out to HIM.

In this place of death to self I become free. I am bound to only be concerned with what God thinks, His expectations and for His will to be done in me and those I love.

If only I had reached my end before now. I would surely have discovered this sweet place sooner! "He leads me beside the quiet waters....He restores my soul..."Yes, indeed, the road that lead me here was painful, but I have re-discovered a priceless treasure , I have re-discovered God.

I have embraced afresh my first love, that I had lost somewhere in trying to reach my plans and dreams. In this place of surrender I have seen God plant seeds of hope. How can this be? It makes no sense and has no logic. How can pain lead me here?

Because I have found delight in God alone. How simple...how sweet. To once again hand over the keys of my heart and give up controlling my world. I am
singing with the hymnist:

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to thee my blessed saviour
I surrender all.

Check out video above.

Simplicity

(Translation:
I delight in simplicty
In the fullness of God´s love
And I face each day with serenity
and trust.
Simplicity)

I read this story in an old 1990's Readers Digest that I have in the bathroom.....hahaha! I just had to share it with you:

"Working at a College with a preponderance of non-English speaking students, my sister sometimes had difficulty in communicating with the newly arrived.

Once as she was enrolling a young man, she reached a standstill at the question of birth date. No matter what words or motions she used, the young man remained puzzled. Finally, a Chinese student standing nearby asked my sister, "What do you need to know?" After my sister explained, the Chinese woman turned to the young man and hummed the first few bars of "Happy Birthday to You."

His eyes lit up in recognition as he exclaimed, "May 12, 1955" The helpful student shrugged and said, "Same song, every country.""

Isn't it true that we complicate things that could be so simple? I know I do. Often I find myself trying to solve something using the most difficult approach.....like the girl trying to find out the birth date of the student. After trying all she knew to do she was at a loss...who knows what she tried before she gave up? The student who helped solve an apparently unsolvable problem, did it by singing the classic Happy Birthday to You song. So simple.

I am sure there are lots of moments when we think that there is no other way to deal with a certain difficulty and God comes along and sings "Happy Birthday to You!"



As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. ~Henry David Thoreau

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci

The greatest truths are the simplest: so likewise are the greatest men. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993

Knowing who you are and knowing your place

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.

~Henri Frederic Amiel

One group of happy cats!!!!

From left to right: Laila (tortoise shell )- Grandma

Lucy(all black)- Mama

Tigger (brown, black and beige stripy one) - baby
Number One (black & White) - baby

Having various generations of cats at one time, 3 to be exact, it´s interesting to observe the interaction between them. This has been especially so, during important intervals such as pregnancy, delivery and feeding of new babes within our cat clan.

When Lucy (daughter of Laila)went into labour I was surprised to observe how Laila jumped into the box with Lucy somehow trying to offer comfort and support. I would have expected Lucy to just want to be left in peace, but it was quite to the contrary! She desperately wanted company and affection and looked for it from me and Johnny, as well as from her own mother Laila. It is nice to see that even in the cat kingdom, mum´s are needed in these pillar moments of life!

Seeing the kittens being born was very beautiful. I had never experienced any pet having little ones, so it was a first for me. It is amazing how instinct takes over and Lucy knew exactly what to do! Once she started delivering the kittens, all I had to do was observe.... and enjoy!!

However, once kittens had arrived, Laila was no longer around. She had no interest in seeing what was going on and when one time she did approach the box, Lucy snarled as only cats know how, and let Laila know firmly she had no place in this new situation. I was impressed by the fact that Laila didn´t insist on being "boss"or resuming her mum knows best stand, she knew when to step back and resume a new role. So much so, that she almost became invisible.

Now almost 10 weeks down the road Laila has resumed yet another new role. She is now more involved and they even end up all sleeping together on the same bed. It is true that there seems to be a certain natural hierarchy established and no-one interferes with the each others roles.

The kittens have a strong respect for grandma Laila, and don´t have this playful, jump all over you thing going on like they do with their mum Lucy.

I noticed one day how little Number one (she was the first born..hence the very creative name!!!)saw Laila laying on the couch and gingerly jumped up looking for a cuddle and company to sleep as mum was busy elsewhere. Laila looked up and obviously noticed little number one, but wanted to appear detached. She then looked at the new arrival as if to say, "You can come, but I don´t want to be disturbed....you understand? You are here to sleep and no messin!" She held up her paw as if you affirm the sentiments. You could almost feel Number one lying there in fear, hoping she did not push grandma´s wrong buttons!!!!!!

It was a candid moment that´s for sure... kinda of reminded me of my childhood a little when back in those days, children were meant to be seen and not heard. Especially amongst the grandparents and non relatives. A true Victorian Age doctrine that sadly lingered around while I was growing up.

It seems that in the animal Kingdom the roles are pretty well established and very matter of fact. This is definitely not so clear for us humans. In fact our identity and role in life is a very complex issue and sadly many of us can take years to establish who we are and what we are here for. Others may never truly discover who they are and become lost in the intent.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

On our road to discovering who we are, there are so many factors involved.: Family, culture, society, friends, our opinion of God and the world, experience: the list is endless. It would take a real scholar here to present the whole picture, and I know I´m not that!

Naturally, one must consider who one isn´t in this ratio, to help define who one is. The process is anything but easy and is not without pain.

Personally, I believe a key to self discovery lies in who God is. If I believe God to be loving and good in who He is and in all He does, as the bible says, then I have true grounds to be at peace and accept that His being God gives me value. This is because He has chose to give me the value of the life of His own son. Having value, gives me purpose and a secure basis on which to discover the intricacies of myself, my personality. I exist because God existed first. He loved me first and has made me with design. I am not an accident or mistake.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

I discover the colours and patterns of my personality as I grow and experience life. I realize what I enjoy, what I am good at and where that can take me. Yes, for the mere fact that God is God I find peace in who I am and I let God´s opinion of me define me.

Sadly, I often succumb to wanting to be what others expect/want me to be. This is what Proverbs talks about in the verse, "The fear of man, brings a snare." That being, when I am so interested in pleasing others and walk in fear of what others might think about me, I am definitely in a snare. A trap. A prison.

I dont´believe that there is anything worse that this kind of emotional turmoil or anguish. Only when I attempt to please God, am I truly free. Really free to be myself with all that I am, both good and bad. God made me and you and said that it was GOOD! That reminds me of the little kid saying, that I am good because God´don't make no junk! REMEMBER:

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. ~John Mason

Enjoy being who YOU are today!

The Lost Sheep

On Sunday, our Pastor was sharing the parable of the Lost Sheep in Luke 15: 1-7. It is a well known parable to all of us I imagine, but one that doesn't cease to touch me.

Our Pastor shared that he usually found the story to revolve around the goodness of the shepherd, but that recently God had encouraged him to take a closer look at the lost sheep.

Unlike my Pastor, I have always found the role of the lost sheep to stand out to me . I consider the goodness of the Shepherd in the light of the lost sheep. The Shepherd left behind the 99 to look for me, the one that was lost.

I have shared in a previous post, that I was feeling lost and I was reminded of this as the Pastor spoke on Sunday. I might feel lost sometimes, but the Good Shepherd is willing to leave the 99 to seek me out. He then carries me on his shoulders until he gets home and then rounds up the neighbours for a good shin dig to celebrate finding me!"

It wasn't long before the tears started rolling down my cheeks when the realization of this truth began to sink into my heart. How can we not be moved by such love and such sacrifice in persuit of that which is lost?

When I feel lost , I can reassure my self that the Good Shepherd will come in search of me and not give up until he finds me. He then will carry me on his shoulders and take me to safety!


It is well known that the first symbol of Christianity was that of a fish. On sacramental cups, seals, and lamps the Holy Spirit was symbolized by a dove and Christ by a fish (perhaps because at the time, fish was one of the elements of the sacred meal) or by a shepherd carrying a sheep on his shoulders (from Luke 15:3-7) The cross was not adopted until long after the departure of Jesus.

I am sad that this symbol seems to have disappeared from our churches. It seems to reflect in essence the message of the gospel and of God´s undying love that goes in search of us!
I hope that this post has been an encouraging reminder to you that God will always go in search of the lost one!

The 1920´s

Here we are, DH and I, celebrating a Christmas 1920´s party in our home. It was really fun! Big Sis and I even did a funny sketch....I actually think we had more fun preparing the sketch than performing it.... isn´t that sometime how it goes?

One always looks back on these years with a certain amount of nostalgia and lack of realism. As I was doing research for the party and designs for my dress, I discovered that the 1920´s were not all Charleston and gaiety! In fact the flappers were known in their day to be at the height of rebellion, breaking away drastically from the picture of womanhood at the time. Not wearing corsettes, cutting their hair and dropping their waistlines, not to mention receiving the right to vote, fly planes, attend university and all sorts of unheard of activities for women at that time. You can only begin to imagine the uproar at such events.

Of course in the light of today´s generation all these things almost appear insignificant and we think that today´s generation is breaking all sense of morality and values. I imagine that is exactly how that older generation felt way back then in the 1920´s.

But one does have to concede that there was a social etiquette/culture that still contained the roaring lion of rebellion somewhat better intact that today. Sadly today, there is no restraint of any kind whatsoever. In fact, if you have any sense of morality or values you are considered intolerant in a world where tolerance is everything.

But this aside, it seems that every 3rd or 4th generation, there is an urgency to look for the true reason for living. This hunger to find outside of what is culturally considered right or wrong, a surging to the surface of rebellion, which is just a camouflage, for the heart that is searching to find God. It raises the question, "What is life really all about?"

I think under this blanket of tolerance people again are seeking truth. Having whatever you want when you want doesn´t give life meaning.... there has to be more.

And thank God there is..... Life and fulfillment is not in getting all you want but in giving. It´s not in being loved, but in loving. It is not in having all you need, but sharing. The only thing that comes close to this today are the organizations made to achieve these goals .. the Red Cross being a good example, but there are many more that exist to to provide not help, support, water, protection, homes ...the list is endless.


Why do they have such success?

Because this is a principle that God himself set in motion. It is a law that can not be defied! It works.... because God made us like himself and that we are only fulfilled when we too are loving as He is loving.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God and God in him. We love Him because He first loved us.
1John 4:10, 16 &19

The Black Hole

Black Hole: Loosely speaking, a black hole is a region of space that has so much mass concentrated in it that there is no way for a nearby object to escape its gravitational pull.

This is the 3rd time I try and sit down to write about my own personal black hole, only to have it lost in the black hole of cyberspace!!!..... so here we go again!

Last week I was confronted again with my inner black hole.

Yes, I don´t know if we all have one... but I know I do.... It´s like seeing yourself face to face in the mirror.... those parts of you that rear their ugly head once in a while, areas in your life you would rather wish away, your gross weaknesses stand blatant before you and you feel yourself being pulled, without escape, into that black hole in your soul, where if were not for the GRACE of GOD would we disappear forever without trace. Yes, I am talking about those"thorns" in our flesh that we beg God to remove, but He graciously denies, rather promises to draw us through whatever our "thorn" may be into a place of victory.

As I was faced with my black hole or "thorn", I wanted so desperately to hide it from myself and others... somehow protect my "fate", "my pride", my innermost "shame" at my gross short comings, utter inadequacy and what most deeply hurts: my failure.

When we have a splinter, or thorn in this case, in our flesh, it so desperately hurts when it is touched or knocked, other than that, you can continue living "inspite of" it´s apparent existence. My thorn had been knocked and I was re-confronted (is that a word?) with the nearness of my black hole. It hurt and I wanted so desperately to run..... But where can your run from yourself?


I felt myself being pulled by the minute, seemingly without escape, into my black hole and all I could do was to cry in my pain to God..... Only then did I realize that my black hole has power when I believe that there is no hope. No hope, that I can change, that the situation can change or that God can do the impossible. Or maybe that God indeed might not take away my struggles, giving me instead the grace to walk through my dis mull failures....

I guess this entry goes to all those people who see me as the eternal optimist, that are innocently unaware of the deep waters that often stir my soul and overwhelm me with feelings of utter inadequacy beyond measure. To all of you.... I can only say my level optimism is matched with an equal depth of pessimism. Somehow in all of that, God manages to still love me and I am not lost into my black hole, never to return.

I watched a movie last week that kind of echoed a feeling I felt at that very moment: "You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found: WANTING." Man, how often do I hear these words echo in my soul.... you have been found WANTING... and boy does it make you want run into the black hole and not even wait for it to pull you in!!!!

2Cor 12:7
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

So why didn´t I fall into my black hole? Because God showed my that inspite of myself, He is still God.... inspite of my failings, God is able to work and do miracles....I mustn't trust in myself.... Only in God.

God free me of my pride!

GOD SURPRIZES ME WITH HIS TRUTH

It always seem to catch me by surprize....God cares about me? Well yes, like any other Christian in my head that is a truth that has been clear to me for years...I have even told others that He cares for them....what could be more natural????

But somehow, deep down, it´s always easier to believe that God cares and loves others more than he does me..... And even if you know this is a lie...it seems easier to live with the lie than the truth. What a heracy, but if I am honest .....that´s what I really felt.

Well, God had bigger & better ideas...(am I glad that God is bigger & better than me!!!!) and decided that today would be a good day for me to deal with this lie and pull it out by the roots! I guess I will still need to work myself out of the habit of devaluing myself...but I do desperatly want to walk in truth!

During one of our prayer times in my group of friends, God nailed me to the floor with the question, why do you feel you are not valueable? Where did that lie come in? I experienced in a depth that I didn´t know existed, in the very "guts" of my being, that God touched this insecurity in me and said...it is done.....this isn´t going to hinder you anymore.

What can I say? It was one of those moments when time and space stop still and you are alone with God and He speaks and you listen. He speaks and you realize you can´t make it better on your own...that you´ve been trying and struggling; not willing to give in; that no one else is going to do it for you; or that you don't deserve to be valued.......................

And then with a "peace that passes ALL understanding" you surrender and God meets you. You are caught by surprize: Jesus loves me? ....yes, JESUS loves even me!!! (anyone out there remember that hymn?)

It ´s one of those kind of experiences that cannot be explained very well with words, they fall so desperately short. But in me, where I didn´t believe, I KNOW that God has done a metamorphasis. Time will show me, just how deep and final the experience of today has been. I only wish I could somehow transmit this whole experience to you....

I guess this feeling I have could be compared to the story in Luke 13:10 about the crippled woman...

She was bent over and could not straighten up and he (Jesus) called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." ...........and she straightened up and praised God.

I was "bent over "with a lie and could not straighten up , but Jesus has told me that I am set free... I straightened up and praised God!!! When JESUS speaks.....things change....always for the better!

Sometimes we walk around with these things for many years...but as the saying goes...there is a time for everything, and God in his tenderness doesn't overwhelm us and "fix"us all at once.... (if he did, we would probably decombust!!!)

It´s in these moments when I realize I have to WANT to change and WANT to no longer live with my infirmity... to be willing to step out of my comfort zone, into the unknown ...where Jesus is.........

Ally
who has just seen another part of the puzzle of my life put in the proper place. And it feels GRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!