Holding on part I
I am holding on!!!! I am not kidding anyone that everything is "peachy keen", but I have been reminded during this storm, of several things. I thought that talking about them could be
helpful too.!!!! Maybe I will just get to one now...
I want to reiterate that it is always better to talk and get what is bothering us off our chest. There is a time for this...but whether it takes longer or sooner to get there...we must surely come to a place where we pour out our hearts to those near to us.
I was hurting so bad that I just could´t talk for fear of continual break down if you know what I mean. I had been crying all time and the thought of exposing my pain all over again felt like I was opening up the wound and the blood was gushing out. This was a serious state of affairs.
I thought that if I am tired of going over the same problems, my friends will be too.... they can´t help me anyway, so why bother? I just want out.... away ... a safe place alone. I didn´t want to talk about this pain any more, I had had enough and I was signing out, resigning from life....
I want a free ticket please to anywhere but here!
In cutting myself off I don´t allow those who love me to help or express their love. Yes, I know that they can´t always help change anything at that point, but they can love ON me and remind me that I am not alone.
A wounded dog will seek out a safe place to hide so that it can recover. In his pain it requires a special kind of someone to approach them as they will lash out. It´s similar with us, but the worst thing that can happen to you is to be left alone. Not only do you sink deeper into your misery, you end up dying. Seriously! You just give up. Humans need humans to survive whether we like it or not! It´s the only way out and up.(obviously God is a key player here too, but I was just exposing the human factor here!!)
I am glad I have a husband, kids, sisters, and dear friends that have pursued me, but who have also needed to know how to wait for me to come round. It´s important to know when to ask and when to simply hold still and just be by my side. It´s a hard balance and there are no 3 easy step formulas. It takes lots of love and patience, but it works!
When I opened up = it did help. It did ease the ache. I think we convince ourselves of the opposite so quickly. This is a clever strategy of the enemy whose only desire is to see God´s chosen destroyed. Yes see us dead physically, emotionally and spiritually. Any combination is fine!
Once you are alone and singled out, you are easy prey just like in the animal kingdom... That is the strategy the lion uses to pursue his prey. He seeks out the strays, the young and weak or the unprotected...those away from the herd.
It´s true that our friends and loved ones can give no easy answers, no quick deals, no one size fits all solutions.. but they can give support, understanding, comfort and company. There are little acts of kindness that can break the monotony of frustration and pain, and bring a spark of hope. That´s what the white tulips did for me. It´s crazy, but it´s true. And if God can do that for me...He will do it for you.
My friend Karen from Karen´s Korner has a quote on her blog that says, "Share the gospel and if necessary use words. " A truer word could not have be spoken. In these moments, often words are surplus. There are actions that can reach beyond the words.
I have learned again that I need to open up and reach out, especially when I am hurting. Let others love on me and care for me even if it doesn't actually change any of my circumstances or eradicate my pain. I need to know I am not alone.
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