GOD SURPRIZES ME WITH HIS TRUTH

It always seem to catch me by surprize....God cares about me? Well yes, like any other Christian in my head that is a truth that has been clear to me for years...I have even told others that He cares for them....what could be more natural????

But somehow, deep down, it´s always easier to believe that God cares and loves others more than he does me..... And even if you know this is a lie...it seems easier to live with the lie than the truth. What a heracy, but if I am honest .....that´s what I really felt.

Well, God had bigger & better ideas...(am I glad that God is bigger & better than me!!!!) and decided that today would be a good day for me to deal with this lie and pull it out by the roots! I guess I will still need to work myself out of the habit of devaluing myself...but I do desperatly want to walk in truth!

During one of our prayer times in my group of friends, God nailed me to the floor with the question, why do you feel you are not valueable? Where did that lie come in? I experienced in a depth that I didn´t know existed, in the very "guts" of my being, that God touched this insecurity in me and said...it is done.....this isn´t going to hinder you anymore.

What can I say? It was one of those moments when time and space stop still and you are alone with God and He speaks and you listen. He speaks and you realize you can´t make it better on your own...that you´ve been trying and struggling; not willing to give in; that no one else is going to do it for you; or that you don't deserve to be valued.......................

And then with a "peace that passes ALL understanding" you surrender and God meets you. You are caught by surprize: Jesus loves me? ....yes, JESUS loves even me!!! (anyone out there remember that hymn?)

It ´s one of those kind of experiences that cannot be explained very well with words, they fall so desperately short. But in me, where I didn´t believe, I KNOW that God has done a metamorphasis. Time will show me, just how deep and final the experience of today has been. I only wish I could somehow transmit this whole experience to you....

I guess this feeling I have could be compared to the story in Luke 13:10 about the crippled woman...

She was bent over and could not straighten up and he (Jesus) called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." ...........and she straightened up and praised God.

I was "bent over "with a lie and could not straighten up , but Jesus has told me that I am set free... I straightened up and praised God!!! When JESUS speaks.....things change....always for the better!

Sometimes we walk around with these things for many years...but as the saying goes...there is a time for everything, and God in his tenderness doesn't overwhelm us and "fix"us all at once.... (if he did, we would probably decombust!!!)

It´s in these moments when I realize I have to WANT to change and WANT to no longer live with my infirmity... to be willing to step out of my comfort zone, into the unknown ...where Jesus is.........

Ally
who has just seen another part of the puzzle of my life put in the proper place. And it feels GRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!